Audition preparation is one type of music, one type of practicing. And for this period of time in which there is no posted audition in which I'm interested, I find myself looking for another way of practicing. Always outside of my safety zone has been playing by ear, playing for memory, improvising, and I've never felt I could commit the time needed to work in this way given that I had so much work to do on classical technique. But I'm feeling fairly comfortable in this regard, for some reason, for the first time in my life. It seems the least of my concerns, musically. In the past I could have faulted it for interfering, but now I'm looking to strengthen an internal voice, to connect more firmly the sound of my cello with my own sound. I'm trying to restructure practice sessions a bit, to include more playing by ear, more arranging at the cello, more work on memorization, while maintaining some projects that will continue to encourage solid classical technique.
Where does novelty come from? Where do new ideas or ways of thinking emerge, how can we get the mind to think in a new way? It seems there is a large part of it is about stepping outside of that safety zone, of allowing oneself to be somewhat uncomfortable, perhaps frustrated. It's so much nicer to know, but knowing is actually only thinking that one knows. It's always a fallacy. I'll never be the cellist or musician that I could be; there's always a cloud of the unrealized surrounding me.