I understand more and more of what Kaneko-san says to me and he understands more and more of what I say to him. My sentences are becoming more complete. I might be about 2 and a half years old soon. I appreciate the recovery periods after knotted confusion, during which Kaneko-san asks gently if I like something, or some other simple question. "Sushi ga sukidesu?" I imagine myself sniffling back into recovery, perhaps a lolly pop handed to me, finally in a safe zone where things make sense.
I don't think there will ever be a point where I'm impervious to mistakes or confusion. Today we ran into a difference in a particular use of particles and as I tried to ask Kaneko-san about them I couldn't understand why weren't getting anyway. But though the words for "particle" and "dictionary" may seem similar to me, they have very different meanings in the ears of a native speaker. Just like my Spanish friend often confused "chicken" and "kitchen," "joshi" may be found in a "jisho," but they are not the same.
In those moments when the world doesn't make sense I feel as though I've been lied to, like it was all just a set-up. Up until today, I could use a particle to mean a certain thing, it was you who told me that, Kaneko-san. And now you say, no, it isn't true, and my hands are empty and I have no proof that it used to be another way, that you told me so. It just isn't fair. And I can't even tell you what the problem is. Oh it's so frustrating!
But we figured it out, despite my shortcomings, and yes, I do like sushi.