Girl on the Train

I took the bus and train to the hall this afternoon to retrieve my cello.  Normally I would bike in every day, but the office is closed so it will be easier to have it in my apartment for the weekend.

On the way back, I nudged myself next to a girl on the subway bench in order to avoid standing with my cello, fancy dress and backpack.  After a minute or two, I realized that she was upset.  Her breath was shallow and quick, her hands were tense, and she was looking down in her lap, hidden under her hat.

Is there some universal gesture, or touch, or gaze, or words, that can communicate comfort?  I've been told of the struggle that many Japanese feel, the pressure of school, the lack of forgiveness for mistakes or failure. Online articles speak of the stigmatization of depression here, that one should just pull it together and carry on with life.  Maybe I see this in the national posture, or maybe I've been primed to see it–I'm not sure.  It's seems quite believable that many people are withholding their feelings and that  living day to day is a little more of a struggle than I see in the West.  It's hard to know with different cultural expressions of feeling, but heads are bowed more often here, eyes to the ground.

Regardless of the national disposition, it has made me think about the people around me.  I respect depression and what it can teach us.  I think there is a lot of self-knowledge to gain in times that are difficult and in the ways that we find to overcome them.  And though I come from a culture that believes in individual self-expression, I respect that there are attributes to group mentality and challenges to living in such a way.

How do I play into this?  I care about the people around me.  I care about the girl sitting next to me and I care about the health of the community.  But to touch her shoulder, to say something, to look at her in any sort of way, I feel this would only cause her more pain for having failed to hide herself.  The best I can do is ignore it.  Is that true?

"We are a part of all we have met."  I've certainly carried that girl with me and she probably has no idea.  In some small way, could she carry a piece of me with her?  If so, what is it that I gave her?  Is it possible to give something to someone without speaking, without looking or touching, without acknowledging their pain or ignoring it?   Perhaps it's circumstance that limits us just as it's circumstance that can bring others to be in such a state.  Perhaps there is little that we can do but to respect our limitations in the same way that we can respect the weight that a person can carry.  But somehow I think it is helpful to be mindful in this manner.  I wish I had been more delicate in sitting down next to her.  In awareness of the disposition of others, we can extend small courtesies that make the world a little softer, and make moving forward a little more manageable.  If nothing else, then perhaps this.