Post Office Exchange

The Japanese language gods giveth and taketh away.  I wanted two things: to be able to buy international stamps, and to understand why I couldn't do that.  I was happy to part ways with neither if it was not to be.  But no matter the intensity and conviction with which the poor woman on the other side of the counter relayed the bad news and explanation, I simply could not understand.  She continued to raise her voice and I continued to try to bow out saying it was ok, it's fine, thank you.  But for some reason I was stuck there under her cascading, unintelligible words, silently and unknowingly making a scene with my ignorance.

This may have been the most uncomfortable situation thus far and it reminded me that there are challenges to living here.  The challenge of not being able to buy something I thought I could buy, the challenge of not understanding why and not knowing what I should do about it in the future.  The challenge of finding breath in the midst of another's frustration and my own.  Of letting go of the entitlement to understanding and the right to know.

I doubt the postal worker knew how much she had raised her voice.  She was distracted from the pure sound of it by the meaning of the words she conveyed.  How many times have I been guilty of the same thing?  There are so many parameters to communication and so many different ways of being disposed to experiencing it.  How often do we try to express something and find ourselves unheard, misunderstood?   It's frustrating.  She was frustrated.  And so was I.  But beyond my anticipated return to more diligent Japanese study, what more can I do in the future?  Perhaps I've started to get greedy with understanding, perhaps it would have been better to continue my dishonest streak and say that I understood, rather than saying that I didn't but it was ok.  She wanted me to understand.  I wanted to understand.  How can we do both: be honest and be accepting when honesty doesn't equal understanding?  Or how can I convey to others that this is ok for me?

Maybe it isn't possible.  Maybe it is.  But I'd like to keep trying.  I'd also like to figure out what happened to international postage stamps.