This morning I woke up at 6:30 and got ready for my first Google+ hangout session with the Tae Kwon Do group in Madison. It was the first time since June that I put on my uniform and belt and when Instructor Bissing and I finally got connected I heard the sound of the whole group and the voice of Master Alonso, all doing the warm-ups together. Throughout the hour I was able to watch them teach one another, and to see the way that they moved, not just in the execution of their kicks and forms, but in their gestures as they explained and encouraged, as they listened and watched. Something about balance and being grounded, about looking with both eyes, fully. When I'm with this group, when I talk to them individually or practice with them, there is something very valuable and important about the interaction. In some ways I've come to learn more explicitly what the lessons and values are that make it significant and give it the atmosphere that I admire. In other ways, I still don't know what it is, and now that I'm here, I'm learning more about it as I try to become my own teacher in the same way.
After the session I biked to the hall to practice. And in the practice room I was faced with more teachers from the past, working with me as I worked by myself in this first year of no private lessons. I miss Vardi, and it even crossed my mind to have an internet session with him at some point. But the tone of the group workout stayed with me and reminded me of a general tone of learning from Madison that I want to cultivate again as I start to settle into myself in this new place. This idea of curiosity above knowledge, of novelty in the midst of daily practice, of honesty rather than defensiveness. As I practiced, I thought of Vardi's gestures and textures and constant probing to make it more. Never telling, always asking. Asking out of curiosity. Never judging, but always faithful that dissatisfaction which is aware and unafraid can bring about beautiful changes.
It felt good to be reminded of this. Sometimes I wonder if my religion is teaching. I realized today that apart from this being my first experience living in a new country, with all the challenges which that entails, it is also the first time since I was five years old that I am not in school. Twenty-three years of teaching and learning and I am suddenly in a place where neither is explicitly practiced. But I believe that teaching and learning can happen anywhere; maybe they are just different words for listening. They provide an opportunity for trust between people. I think that finding this connection is one of my challenges here.
What can I learn from the people around me? How can we help one another discover more about ourselves and the things that we care about? In what way can I do this for myself? How can I be my own teacher? Surely school is not the only place where teaching and learning happen. Surely we can cultivate this connection with one another and within ourselves, outside of these formal institutions and rituals. As with "work," I think this is a mind-set. And just as I'm leery of spending my life "working," so too am I leery of ever leaving behind the place of learning.
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