Post-audition

I've entered into the post-audition/recital phase.  It's another part of the striation that seems to contribute to growth; stress, release, stress, release.  What happens in this process?  I feel I've gained a greater trust in myself having survived something worthy of stress.  But how many times through the striation does one need to go in order to really have that trust?  And is there a different way?  Perhaps one can simply focus on that trust, to have it bulge through the process and define it from the beginning.  Against this is the fear of failure.  Somehow we have to learn to balance these things,  to feel the fear but be strong enough to use it as a sling to propel us forward.  And perhaps there is no way to replicate this sort of learned experience but to do it.  To step up to fear again and again, to learn how to embrace it, to learn to trust oneself.