Growing Up

The coming year occurs to me more and more.  Senioritis is sinking in and the signs of gradual detachment which will buffer the change are becoming more prominent.  Last night I started to think of some of the possibilities for life after Japan.  Living in a big city, living in a smaller city, living in a town, living on the coast, or the midwest.  In my current life, I have free days and during those days I practice and exercise and read, and usually speak to no one.  I can't imagine a life after Japan that will have free days like this for me, regardless of where I end up being.  Most likely the coming year will involve more involvement.

Sometimes from Facebook, I piece together the busy lives of my friends back in the States, teaching, performing, balancing family, getting jobs, getting different jobs.  I feel a little out of practice but also very eager to jump in again.  I see their faces and they seem so foreign.  Is that where I belong?  Will I somehow merge with that life?  Is there a place for me there or will I be able to create one?

Life seems so vast.  Maybe it always does on the edge of change.  Before I came to Japan I remember frequently falling asleep imagining that I was lying face up floating on the ocean's surface.  But now my mind is full of possibilities, so many things that I could be and do when I grow up and move away from this Never Never Land.